Sunday, October 14, 2018

When you..

As long as you have something to say and a way to express it; don't ever let anyone or anything stop you from doing so.

These words have been repeating in my head for the past 24 hours. I can't explain to what has been happening to my over the past two weeks. For those who follow me or know of me will understand what I mean.

I have removed some of my social media accounts temporarily due to needing some time to sort some issues out. There is and has been so much to deal with in my life and life itself. When I find myself in situations that are out of my control; I shut down. I hide from everyone and everything that pains me and I end up "venting." Sometimes I lose myself in order to find myself.

All the doctor and hospital visits I have been to these past two weeks have been overwhelming. When you stay as positive as you can be only to be given bad news; you're left with what? How do you or yet How can I? remain positive. Unfortunately, I was driven to a point where I just became angry. I started to feel more hostile, aggressive and agitated towards everything in life. I feel angry at the world, at life, at my doctors, at god and with myself. I build up a wall in order to shut everyone out or perhaps to protect myself from anymore pain. I smile and laugh on the outside all while I hurt inside. This attitude is NOT me. It is NOT who I am.

I couldn't cry anymore for the same thing over and over with no end. All that pains me is still doing so. I wish I could make it all go away and I just can't. Then I sat down and really understood these words. "As long as you have something to say and a way to express it; don't ever let anyone or anything stop you." My voice kept repeating them until the tears started running down my cheek profusely. I've begun to release the pain that has been inflicted in my heart.

Since my laptop crashed. I thank god for my mini Ipad and voice control to be able to blog this out. Although had to correct my voice errors due to the cracking of my voice and sniffles from crying; here I am expressing myself the only way I can; by writing.

I wish I can say it all in one blog but there isn't enough time and I literally am emotionally drained. Perhaps this is what I needed to do in order to stand up taller than ever. To be able to say to life "What? that's all you got", I'm still standing!" So, as I wipe my tears away. I will remember today that tomorrow will be a new day and when I know I need a break. I will do so because my heart and soul is for no one to take.

So when you see me, say hello, when you hear me scream hello, when you feel me; you will  understand my hello....

Till tomorrow.... )0(

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