There are so many things going on in the world. I feel selfish wallowing in my troubles. Yet I have to find a way to release & accept all that I am enduring somehow. The how is through the only way I know to do so; writing.
No matter what difficulties I face. I continue to smile with hopes that I will eventually feel that way inside very soon. It is a little hard to put on a happy face when you feel like shit inside. Yet, I still do it.
Today was the last day. I decided I wasn’t going to hide behind my pain anymore. All that troubles me will soon be dealt with. I can only hope for the best in every problem I’ve encountered. This past weekend has been exhausting. I have simply accepted the fact that I am on a downward spiral & can’t stand up. Well at least right now I’m stuck.
I cannot get the answers I need. I cannot move forward unless I just let everything go & walk away from it all. That is exactly what I have decided to do.
To ALL those who are hurting me with your words, ways & actions; I am done. I no longer choose to be waiting in silence for your attention.
To my doctors who want me to do what is best for them; I am done. To my insurance providers who only want to pay for what they feel they should; I am done.
To ALL the people I have helped because I couldn’t stand baring the thought of you going without; I am done.
I AM DONE doing & going out of my way for anyone other than myself now. From this day forward I will live my life DAY BY DAY as it is blessed to me every time I wake up. I will love, live & breathe life as much as my mind & body will allow it too.
I will do & go as I came into this world with nothing. I have a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back & someone watching over me daily. That is all I need. I am done; NOW I will smile....
Till tomorrow.. )0(