Wednesday, February 27, 2019

My drive..

It's been 2 months since my last surgery. SO much has changed in my life. I don't even know where to begin. Once I healed my husband & I decided to make the move to Las Vegas as we discussed months ago. We did it. We left Chicago, Illinois on February 15th 2019. We now reside in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Let me summarize my drive here. It was nice, rough then traumatic but I made it. I am not a long distance driver. I barely drove in Chicago. I would take side streets because I was always afraid of the highways. Well, in over the past 2 years. I have conquered many of my fears. I got on an airplane for the first time & once I got that down; became a frequent flyer. In one of my trips I was determined to get on the zipline in Las Vegas. As nervous as I was. I did it. The next fear was the drive from Illinois to Nevada. I had no choice but to drive alone. I had to meet a deadline. My plan was to go south and upwards due to weather. Somehow my GPS took me a different route and I didn't realize until I was few hours in. Oh well, I thought I will be okay. I got through Iowa & Nebraska until I couldn't see anymore at night. My first horrifying experience (as my husband was calling me) It was so dark on the exit I took. I kept driving and unfortunately was driving on incoming lane. I quickly drove into a parking lot and started crying like a baby. I composed myself and begged for a hotel. In less than a mile down I found one, rented a room & cried myself to sleep. The morning came. The sunrise as beautiful as can be. I drove all day until I hit the outskirts of Colorado. I didn't want the same thing to happen so I found another hotel as soon as the sun was setting.

The next morning I left as soon as the sun woke up. It had started to snow lightly. I thought nothing of it. It looked beautiful. An hour in and it was coming down harder. I became nervous as I watched the drivers in front of me sliding. All of a sudden a yellow light comes on in my car and my car slid. It felt like my gas pedal locked. My tires felt like they had turned on their own. Now, coming from Chicago this shouldn't have surprised me. However, I am not that kind of driver when it rained or snowed I always walked where I needed to go due to fear. I finally was able to move a few more feet when all of a sudden my car slid, I went sideways on onto the shoulder. I seriously thought I was going to die. I remained on the shoulder crying for about 35 minutes when state patrol came to my rescue & guided me to next city. My hands were trembling holding the wheel. I was having an anxiety attack and remembered my "fleet skills".  I don't think it was the safest thing to do but I did it. I got behind a semi in front of me with it's hazards on & did the exact same thing for the next hour and half. I arrived into the next city, no snow, no rain & safe.

I kept on going & made it to Utah. All was beautiful, the canyons etc. I thought to myself okay the worse is over. I was wrong. The higher I got in the mountains. Here comes the fog. It literally felt like I was driving through a cloud. Absolutely nothing to see but the red hazard lights of the cars in front of me. Once again I was in anxiety mode. A few hours later I was blinded by sun setting. It is the most beautiful sight you can imagine but also the most frightening when it blocks your vision on a highway.

Several hours later. I arrived to my destination. I stood seated in my car for awhile to cry all my anxiety out. I prayed & thanked GOD for "watching over me, protecting me & never leaving me."

I don't know if anyone will understand or believe me when I say I know I he hears my prayers but these past 2 months. I have been SHOWN that he is & my faith in him is strong and will NOT be broken by anyone or anything. I have a lot on my plate right now and things feel heavy but I trust in him that all will be better when he wills it.

This was my drive from Chicago to Las Vegas... I am here. I made it... Till tomorrow. )0(

Sunday, December 30, 2018

The end?

It has been a long year. Allow me to say "THANK YOU" to my savior for all my blessings. My laptop is finally up and running. I thank you for waking up each day, the roof over my head, the food on my table, the clothes on my back & the HEALTH of my body.

For those who know my health issues. I am truly blessed to have made it this far. In the beginning of December this year I had my second nephrectomy for Kidney Cancer  I have been off work since then and am grateful to be able to return the beginning of the new year. It has been a rough journey and all the results have come in. As of now I am cancer free (remission)  Both of my kidneys have been operated on, so I now must keep a healthy lifestyle to maintain normal kidney function. The worse is over. The cancer is gone. I survived. 

This year is almost over and I can't help but feel "So is my health issue." It's like perfect timing in a way. I am ending this challenging year with great news. To start the new year with new, wonderful amazing opportunities in and of life. I can't help but feel overwhelmed emotionally.

Now that my life is back on track. I can now continue what I have been trying to get out there for quite some time. My books. It will take me some time to continue editing but just knowing that I can do so; will be worth it.

If there is anything during this time that I have learned is to always stay positive no matter what. I did have some moments where I was losing it. I turned to my support, stayed with my faith & got through it. I know through my faith in him he doesn't give me anything I cannot handle.

This year is almost done. I am in remission. 2018 tried to break me; it did not. 2019 is 2 days away. I will continue to move forward. I will hold no more pain. I look forward to all new opportunities that I will allow myself to achieve. If I can survive this year with all that I have endured. SO CAN YOU! 

The end of 2018 is near. Let go of all that pains you. All that holds you back from achieving your goals. Let go of misery, negativity, hurt, betrayal. Let it all go. Enter 2019 with joy, love and positivity so that you & everyone who values you appreciate your worth.

Goodbye 2018 Thank you for showing me how to welcome & appreciate 2019.

Happy New Year everyone.  

Til tomorrow.......... )0(

Sunday, October 14, 2018

When you..

As long as you have something to say and a way to express it; don't ever let anyone or anything stop you from doing so.

These words have been repeating in my head for the past 24 hours. I can't explain to what has been happening to my over the past two weeks. For those who follow me or know of me will understand what I mean.

I have removed some of my social media accounts temporarily due to needing some time to sort some issues out. There is and has been so much to deal with in my life and life itself. When I find myself in situations that are out of my control; I shut down. I hide from everyone and everything that pains me and I end up "venting." Sometimes I lose myself in order to find myself.

All the doctor and hospital visits I have been to these past two weeks have been overwhelming. When you stay as positive as you can be only to be given bad news; you're left with what? How do you or yet How can I? remain positive. Unfortunately, I was driven to a point where I just became angry. I started to feel more hostile, aggressive and agitated towards everything in life. I feel angry at the world, at life, at my doctors, at god and with myself. I build up a wall in order to shut everyone out or perhaps to protect myself from anymore pain. I smile and laugh on the outside all while I hurt inside. This attitude is NOT me. It is NOT who I am.

I couldn't cry anymore for the same thing over and over with no end. All that pains me is still doing so. I wish I could make it all go away and I just can't. Then I sat down and really understood these words. "As long as you have something to say and a way to express it; don't ever let anyone or anything stop you." My voice kept repeating them until the tears started running down my cheek profusely. I've begun to release the pain that has been inflicted in my heart.

Since my laptop crashed. I thank god for my mini Ipad and voice control to be able to blog this out. Although had to correct my voice errors due to the cracking of my voice and sniffles from crying; here I am expressing myself the only way I can; by writing.

I wish I can say it all in one blog but there isn't enough time and I literally am emotionally drained. Perhaps this is what I needed to do in order to stand up taller than ever. To be able to say to life "What? that's all you got", I'm still standing!" So, as I wipe my tears away. I will remember today that tomorrow will be a new day and when I know I need a break. I will do so because my heart and soul is for no one to take.

So when you see me, say hello, when you hear me scream hello, when you feel me; you will  understand my hello....

Till tomorrow.... )0(

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Hey Everyone


Hello everyone. A quick blog to let everyone know I am well. Thank you so much for all the love & support throughout this horrible time. It has been a rough few weeks. There is so much going on but just want to stay on the positive things I have going on.

I have begun making homemade scented candles. It started out as someone’s idea and it got me thinking.  I started researching, watching videos and making the candles at home. I found it to be so relaxing for me. I have been under an extreme amount of stress and somehow this helped me relax. Then again it could have been the smell of lavender and stress recipes I was blending up.


Well, what started out as a learning experience has developed into a small business opportunity for me. I guess everything does happen for a reason.  I have also been able to reach out through a wider audience through a You Tube Channel I created when it comes to my blogs on relationships. When you have been writing for as long as I have. It does take a toll on your wrists. The use of You Tube and small videos as Snapchat & Instagram have put a great sense of relief on that pain. So, thanks social media.

So, while writing blogs and articles, making candles, going to the doctors. I have added video vlogging as it’s called. Why? Because I don’t like to sit around as life passes me by. The more active I am literally gives me less time to sit and wonder about my health. I enjoy keeping my mind occupied. Well, if my body will allow me to.  I will rest when I can’t stand any longer. Lol.

I have plenty going on to keep myself busy. When my candles are ready to be out for all of you. I will gladly post an update. I don’t want to have my name on a product that is not great. That’s not good business.

I took a quick moment to blog and say HELLO & THANK YOU for the birthday wishes. I am truly grateful at being blessed with another year of life. I have the love & support from amazing friends and family.

So, having given you all the good notes. I leave you with a have a blessed day and as always. #IGOTTHIS

Till tomorrow… )0(


Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Somedays

I know I am not alone out here when I say this. We all have those days when nothing seems to go right. I sadly admit I had several days in a row. I can honestly admit today is a tad better. I'm actually typing again. I had all sorts of thoughts and ideas running through my head. I finished writing in my journal which is private. Then I of course take to this blog to vent. There isn't much difference in the two except certain things I cannot share with the world. Well, at least not yet. 😊

It seemed as if these past few days were never going to come to an end. I woke up Saturday morning to just never ending issues. This all coming from a wonderful night before celebrating my father's birthday.

EVERYONE says to me all the time. "You're strong Lynn, Be strong, Stay positive, You got this". The honest truth on that is; these past few days I was not. Life's difficulties got the best of me and for that I feel ashamed. I went from feelings of worthlessness, degraded, frustration, humiliation to feeling beaten.

Everything I have build in life to be where I am at today came down crumbling. All these things happened in the manner of three days. Although I'm sure it's been building up way before. I just couldn't do anything about it on some situations.

Well those bad days are over. The only thing I gained from that was experience. Sunday was the worst which gave me lessons to be learned. Today being a bit better only gives me the memory that I am getting through it and today I can catch my breath.

Life isn't hard. Everyone has difficulties and what you go through doesn't define you. How you get through it does. Well; after these past 3 days of overwhelming difficulties; physically, financially and emotionally. I am still standing. 

So having said that. I want to say thank you to those who reached out to me. It truly means the world to me. I truly appreciate it. 

And to you LIFE; I say this. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? I'M STILL STANDING. I GOT THIS!"


Till next time....... )0(