Tuesday, February 13, 2018

My Truth

I have been holding in my pain for the past 3 months. I can no longer stay silent. I tried to hide my pain and it lead to more stress than I can handle.  So, for my own peace of mind and to answer everyone else questions and concerns. I will tell you my truth.

I was diagnosed with Bilateral (both kidneys) Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer) in December 2017.  At first, I refused to believe it. There were some issues with reports, so everything was repeated. I still refused to believe it. I couldn’t accept this was happening to me. I used my resources and found a highly recommended second opinion. A month later it was confirmed.

Everything that is needed to be done will be taken care of.  The craziness of this is March is Kidney Cancer Awareness month and my surgery is scheduled for March 14th.  I have kept somewhat quiet on this matter for some time. It was going to be a private matter. Some time has passed and for me to move forward and address others concerns. I decided to vent as I do when coping with overwhelming situations.

I was told I would be criticized for doing so by others who don’t care or understand. Well, for those who have all read my first book. My life was anything but private. That however was the past and made me who I am today.  I am not looking for empathy. On the contrary I have decided to no longer hide my pain and use my skills as a writer to be the advocate I am supposed to be. I finally understand my purpose in life.

I suffered for decades with depression and got through it by accepting & understanding it. Now, having this disease I will no longer shed tears and cry “Why me”.  I am a fighter and will conquer this as well. I will do everything I can to raise awareness, share kindness & support to others fighting as I am and will be doing so down the line.

There are so many people in the world who have and are diagnosed every second of the day. Kidney Cancer is no joke. It is a common type of cancer at my age nonetheless a deadly disease if not treated. I have joined several groups from Kidney Cancer to Renal Cell Carcinoma Groups on social media. I will be attending seminars, webinars gathering & sharing awareness as much as possible.

I have a very strong support from my husband, sons, family, co-workers & friends. I know me putting this out there will raise questions and if you have any you can always message me.

Now that I have shared my pain with you all. I ask that all of you let go of whatever issues you have towards others. Life is too short for bitterness and bullshit; keep in mind tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

I love you all & thank you for allowing me to vent & as you know “I GOT THIS”

Sunday, January 7, 2018

I'm done; now I will smile

There are so many things going on in the world. I feel selfish wallowing in my troubles.  Yet I have to find a way to release & accept all that I am enduring somehow. The how is through the only way I know to do so; writing.

No matter what difficulties I face.  I continue to smile with hopes that I will eventually feel that way inside very soon.  It is a little hard to put on a happy face when you feel like shit inside. Yet, I still do it. 

Today was the last day.  I decided I wasn’t going to hide behind my pain anymore. All that troubles me will soon be dealt with.  I can only hope for the best in every problem I’ve encountered. This past weekend has been exhausting.  I have simply accepted the fact that I am on a downward spiral & can’t stand up.  Well at least right now I’m stuck.

I cannot get the answers I need.  I cannot move forward unless I just let everything go & walk away from it all.  That is exactly what I have decided to do.

To ALL those who are hurting me with your words, ways & actions; I am done.  I no longer choose to be waiting in silence for your attention.

To my doctors who want me to do what is best for them; I am done. To my insurance providers who only want to pay for what they feel they should; I am done.

To ALL the people I have helped because I couldn’t stand baring the thought of you going without; I am done.

I AM DONE doing & going out of my way for anyone other than myself now.  From this day forward I will live my life DAY BY DAY as it is blessed to me every time I wake up.  I will love, live & breathe life as much as my mind & body will allow it too.

I will do & go as I came into this world with nothing.  I have a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back & someone watching over me daily. That is all I need. I am done; NOW I will smile.... 

Till tomorrow.. )0(

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Don't hate the messsenger

I took a break from writing to regain my state of mind. Every now and then I become overwhelmed with social media. It's the part of my job as a writer that can become a little hectic. It all comes with the territory of being a writer.

Anyway, there are times when I wish the entire social media can just be positive. Somehow that isn't the case nowadays. It seems as if the more negative, hateful, argumentative comments & pics there are. The more people are responding to it. Now that is just insane.

I am a  relationship blogger & have been writing with several different magazines for years. The more I write on this topic the more hate mail, messages and comments I receive. I constantly ask myself why do people hate me so much? It's then that I am reminded by my husband, family & friends & followers. It is because some people do not want to hear the truth on relationships.
Don't hate me for writing the truth

Well, that maybe the case. However sometimes I believe it's because I am not writing on things that don't matter to most social media addicts.  I do my best to stay positive even when all is going wrong. I always try to stay optimistic with the world. I won't allow other's inadequacies bring me down. (At least I will try my best)

Everyone is different in handling situations as such. I prefer to break from internet every now and then because it becomes monotonous. I always come back few months later; ready for more attacks, praise and fun from my readers/followers.

So, if you don't want to read my articles simply don't do so. If you enjoy what I write feel free to like, comment and or share.

Remember always; Don't hate the messenger for sending the message that clearly touched a nerve.

Now back to work.  Till tomorrow everyone...  )0(

Sunday, October 1, 2017


Have you ever just wanted to run away from all that bothers you in life?  I know I have.  Sometimes life can overwhelm you.  Whatever you’re going through there are plenty of times when you just need to “break” from it all. Well, that is what I am going through; so forgive me.

FORGIVE ME; for NOT wanting to see, read or hear negativity, anger, bitterness, hate, stupidity, racism etc on social media & life.

FORGIVE ME; for NOT wanting to see the repetitious posts on everyone’s selfies or food pics. Then we have the bashing of the ex baby mama/daddy drama.  The constant tagging & invites to everything.  Let us not forget the never ending battle of north side south side sports war.  The drama filled women who are angry at the world because they can’t find a decent man & vice versa.  The men who constantly post pics of naked women & claim they get it all the time.  I am done seeing all of this.

There are so many reasons why I choose to keep away from all of this on social media.  It’s bad enough to have to deal with your own issues.  Why log onto social media to see & read everyone else’s. Of course to those who put it out there.

I am not biting the hand that feeds me.  I merely want to remain positive in every aspect of life.  I do understand that social media is the MAIN way people communicate.  My choice is to have verbal, physical communication; FORGIVE ME.

For me it’s soothing to disconnect from social media. It gives me a sense of relief and time to focus on what I need to do in life.  FORGIVE ME for needing to regain control on my dreams & changes.
I have not used my profile for over a month. This is something I had to do. I need to stay attentive to some serious issues & changes; FORGIVE ME.

At this particular moment I wish I can share with you as I normally do on what is to come. All I can tell my followers is that I haven’t forgotten any of you. My friends; you all are remain in thought.
When the time is right I will return to my personal profile on social media. Until then you can always reach me through my business page.  Forgive me….

Until next time..... )0(

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Fear no fear

We all have a fear in the world. Some are quick to say they fear nothing. I don't believe this to be true. Someone has a hidden fear that is afraid to admit possibly because it maybe a silly fear; nonetheless it is a fear.

You have heard many people say they are afraid of bugs, the lake or ocean or fruits with huge amount of seeds. Go figure but many of us have a fear; mine were open waters and heights. Until I decided I would no longer live with those fears.

It took me a long time, practically my whole life to conquer my fear of open waters. As a child I had a traumatizing experience in Corpus Christi, Tx waters where I was pulled down underneath and nearly drowning. I never returned to the waters until I learned to swim. I did this on my own. As a grown woman I joined a club to learn to swim. I basically taught myself due to not having anyone push me when I knew it would take me longer than others. After 3 weeks I finally moved from 3 ft to 5 then to 9 ft of deep water. I did it. I had learned to swim and was no longer afraid. To this day I can dive off a diving board. I can now swim in open waters. I may not do so unless I'm in Mexico but I did it. I faced my fear of open waters.

A few years later I figured I would continue to break those barriers that held me back. I kept saying I would go on vacation somewhere and never did for fear of flying. I always took the bus or train out of state. Thank you to my co-worker who spoke highly of Las Vegas. I became excited at one day going. Several weeks had passed by and her comment to me of "stop asking & looking, you're never going to do it." really got to me. The next few hours had me sweating. If I click "purchase" it will happen. I did it.

I came home and told my husband who kept asking me what I wanted to do for my birthday"We're going to Las Vegas." He laughed and said how driving or train? I explained. He was shocked.

The day came and arriving at the airport I was calm. He bought me a few cocktails to calm down. I was too nervous to enjoy them. Once boarded I was okay. As soon as the airplane was ready for take off. I began breathing heavily and sweating profusely. My husband holding my hand as tears rolled down my face. He kept speaking to me of our wedding day and our vows. I looked at him and was surprised he remembered word for word. He whispered in my ears "I love you and so proud of you we are in the air." I was like what?

I am proud to say that I married the most wonderful man in the world. He has helped me face my worse fear ever. Thanks to him I am now going to be a frequent flyer. lol. As I conquered my fear of flying I was able to enjoy the most amazing birthday ever in Las Vegas.

So I share my experience, my photo from the airplane window with the world to let you all know. It's okay to be afraid but don't let it consume you. When you're ready go out and face those fears so you never have to fear anything again. Life is too short to live with fears. Go out and live life & Fear no fear..

Till next time... )0(